John 20:19-31
It has been just a week since we joyfully celebrated Easter, the Day of Resurrection. Alleluias still resonate in the walls and in our hearts. The powerful feeling of hope of that most important of holy days still lingers.
And now, just one week since Easter day, we have the story of doubting Thomas. The timing may seem odd, but I think it is good. It’s always a good story to hear, but maybe especially now. A clear reminder that every day is not Easter day. And that even overwhelming joy can be tempered by doubt.
It’s a familiar story. The disciples are gathered together, but Thomas is not with them. Through a locked door, the risen Jesus comes to them. Later, when they tell Thomas that they have seen the Lord, he is skeptical. And he has very clear conditions that must be met before he will believe. He has very precise expectations before he will believe. “I must see the mark of the nails. I must place my hand just there in his side, not someplace else…”
With those words and that posture, I think Thomas speaks for a lot of us, at least from time to time. We place very specific conditions on our belief.
- Unless my prayers are answered just so, then I will withhold full belief in God’s power and love.
- Unless God intervenes in the specific way that I expect in my life or in the world, I will not fully trust in God.
- Unless I see Jesus walk through a locked door, I’ll hang onto doubts about the resurrection.
- Or, I’m reminded of that scene in Jesus Christ Superstar… Unless Jesus proves himself by walking across my swimming pool (Herod’s swimming pool) I won’t believe he is who he says he is.
- Or sometimes, we offer more of a bargain than a demand. Only if I am cured or saved from whatever threatens me, will I truly have faith.
Maybe that’s why it is so tempting to cherish our doubts…. Because it enables us to maintain that illusion of strength or importance. When we withhold faith, we maintain that illusion that we are in the position of strength or control over God. God just isn’t meeting my needs right now… If God would just try a little harder to do what I need God to do…. What strength and power! As though all Christendom depended upon our direction.
The main thing that this story about Thomas says to me is: Get over it. Get over yourself. Get over your self-importance. It isn’t about you. Get over yourself.
God’s existence doesn’t depend upon any one individual’s faith. The reality of God’s existence does not depend upon the strength of my faith or your faith.
The truth of Jesus’ resurrection doesn’t depend upon any one individual’s belief in the resurrection.
God’s existence, the truth of the resurrection, don’t depend on us. They are not dependent upon our belief in them.
But… The things Jesus tells us to do… They things Jesus sends us out to do as he says in today’s Gospel. “As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” They things Jesus tells to do, these do depend upon us. They depend upon us to do them.
And Jesus is pretty clear throughout the Gospels about what we are supposed to do.
In John’s Gospel right after the passage we heard today, there is another post-resurrection story about Jesus. The disciples, including Thomas, encounter Jesus by the lake. And Jesus has a conversation with Peter. “Feed my sheep,” Jesus says. Peter, feed my sheep!
And in John’s Gospel Jesus the Good Shepherd has sheep that are within the fold and others who are beyond the fold. Feed them all. Feed those within the fold. These are the church. Feed, support, nurture the church. Offer your talents and resources to feed the church. And feed those sheep that are outside the fold. Who hunger. Who hunger for the Good News of Easter. Who hunger for food. Who hunger for meaning. Feed my sheep.
Along this journey of faith, questions and doubts seem pretty much inevitable, at least from time to time. So, unless you’re willing to completely abandon God altogether, then just don’t take your own little doubts so seriously. Hang on to whatever shred of belief, or longing for faith, or flickering hope, or memory of knowing Christ you have and then just get on with doing what Jesus tells you to do.
Feed his sheep.
And it certainly may happen that while you’re at it, you will suddenly discover Jesus with you. And in the overwhelming experience of Jesus’ presence, all doubts and conditions and demands will fall away. And in awe and joy we will proclaim, with Thomas, “My Lord and my God.”
