Thanksgiving

Five Stages of Thankfulness 

At least in the era of modern psychology, it seems like everything is described in “stages.” There are the well-known five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. The psychologist Erik Erikson described human life as unfolding in stages of psychosocial development. They have fairly prosaic names like adolescence or middle adulthood. I was a bit interested to read that the defining conflict for middle adulthood, my current stage, is the conflict between generativity and stagnation.

If you google development stage theories, you’ll find listing of lots of other stages… stages of moral development, stages of spiritual development. There seems to be a development stage theory for everything in life.

 I am not an expert, but I think it’s accurate to say that all of these development stage theories are progressive. Human beings are perceived to progress, in order, from less mature or developed stages towards stages of greater maturity and sophistication. I imagine sometimes we get stuck or even backtrack a bit, but overall it’s a good thing to progress to higher and higher stages.

In this spirit of development stage theories, today I propose the five stages of thankfulness. It may be that some psychologist has written a dissertation on this or maybe there are a whole host of books on it, but I’m not aware of them. So these are my own, unscientifically constructed… Kristin’s five stages of thankfulness.

ONE. Stage one I call clueless. Clueless at least in the thankfulness department. Characterized by a sense of entitlement. What I have is mine. I deserve it. I have it. It’s mine.

TWO. Stage two is gratitude. I am grateful for what I have. It is conceivable that I might not have it. Perhaps I am aware of others who don’t have what I have and I am grateful. It seems to me that this stage is the primary focus of the thanksgiving holiday. To remind us to be grateful for what we have, to not take things for granted. Awakening gratitude is an important task. And, on the whole, I think most of us do pretty well. We are grateful.

THREE. Stage three takes gratitude one step further to what I call donor appreciation. Not only am I grateful for what I have, I am aware that someone gave me what I have and I am grateful to that donor. For example, not only am I grateful for the opportunities and freedoms I enjoy in this country, I am grateful to the wise and courageous founding fathers, who, in order to form a more perfect union, established this government and I grateful to soldiers and judges and citizens who preserve it. As Christians, aware of life’s blessings, we name God at this stage. We thank God for bestowing blessings upon us.

From clueless entitlement to an awareness of gratitude to thanksgiving for those who gifted us with good. Progress in the stages of thankfulness. It’s easy to stop at this point. But I have two more important stages of thankfulness. They both involve a response. A response from us.

FOUR. Stage four is giving thanks, expressing thanksgiving, returning thanks. Not just being thankful that you have a kind grandmother who gave you a really fabulous birthday present, but writing her a thank you note. Taking the time, the effort, the initiative to say thank you. Express thanksgiving. Offer prayer and praise to God in thanksgiving. Give voice to our thankfulness.

FIVE. Stage five is sharing. Sharing out of gratitude for what you have. And if you have anything to be thankful for, you have something to share. Not just giving out of a sense of obligation or responsibility or to meet a need, not that there’s anything wrong with that. But I’m thinking of sharing just for the sake of sharing. Because we can. Because we’re grateful. Because it’s a joyous way to participate in God’s own limitless generosity. Sharing seems to be the most spiritually mature, sophisticated stage of thankfulness. The stage that brings us closest to God. What are you thankful for? Warmth, love, creativity, friends, freedom, material abundance? All of these can be shared. Shared just out of joyful thankfulness that bubbles up and out into the world. Sharing as an expression of thankfulness.

Five stages of thankfulness. Stage one, a clueless absence, really, of thankfulness. Then gratitude, then an awareness of the donors and protectors of our gifts. And finally, our response. Expressing thanks, and ultimately, without reservation, in thanksgiving, sharing what we have been given with others.

May you know and share God’s blessings this Thanksgiving.